On September 10, the Library of Congress is going to present, for the first time, an award for lifetime achievement in fiction-writing. The award will be presented in a ceremony to –

Well, wait a minute. Before I actually name the lucky author, let’s speculate on whom it could be. Let’s consider the obvious choices for a lifetime achievement award in fiction writing. Of course, one criterion is that the writer be, you know, living.

On with the thinking cap. Here goes.

John Updike

Joyce Carol Oates

Philip Roth

E.L. Doctorow

Toni Morrison

Anne Tyler

Thomas Pynchon

Don DeLillo

Ernest J. Gaines

Richard Ford

Reynolds Price

Cormac McCarthy

J.D. Salinger? (He’s alive. Or aliveish.)

Doubtless my literate readers will have other suggestions. Remember, though, that the award is for a lifetime of writing achievement, not for a few well-known books, so maybe Salinger doesn’t qualify. Don’t forget, Norman Mailer is dead.

So, while you’re placing your bets and trying to slake your anticipation, I’ll tell you that the winner of the first Library of Congress award for lifetime achievement in fiction is –

Herman Wouk.

You’re all smacking your foreheads and going, “Duh, well, yeah, of course, Herman Wouk. ‘The Caine Mutiny.’ ‘Marjorie Morningstar.’ ‘Youngblood Hawke.’ Those mini-series about WWII.”

Perhaps the intention is to present the award for longevity. Wouk, born May 27, 1915,  happens to be 93, which makes him 16 years older than the next oldest possibility, E.L. Doctorow (b. Jan. 6, 1931). In fact, the award could simply be made each year to the next author in the chronological line, eliminating the cheap and petty element of suspense. There wouldn’t even have to be a ceremony. A certificate could be emailed to the winner. In that case, the roster would look like this:

Wouk (May 27, 1915)

Doctorow (Jan. 6, 1931)

Morrison (Feb. 18, 1931)

Updike (March 18, 1932)

Gaines (Jan 15, 1933)

Price (Feb. 1, 1933)

Roth (March 19, 1933)

McCarthy (July 20, 1933, a big year for writers!)

DeLillo (Nov. 20, 1936)

Pynchon (May 8, 1937)

Oates (June 16, 1938)

Tyler (Oct. 25, 1941)

Ford (Feb. 16, 1944)

See, that takes care of the award for the next 12 years, assuming that these authors all live that long. Pesky ol’ Death. The Library of Congress comittee doesn’t even have to have another meeting. They should have called me first.